Real Man

Men to Divorce

     When the couple do  not love each other,divorcing may be a good solution.The article is about how the men to divorce .

     Pre-divorce Advice
     Divorce is not a routine decision. It is a life changing decision that has repercussions not only on the two people involved, but practically on anyone who cares for one or both of them. Make sure you’ve analyzed your decision alone, then together as well. Divorce should not be emotionally driven and definitely not ego driven. Divorce is not a casual threat in heated marital arguments and should definitely not be something to be fulfilled just because you’ve said it once and can’t back out now. Acknowledge the fact that divorce is not child play. There are marriage counselors who will help you in an attempt at a reconciliation. I urge you to try it at least once before giving up on each other.

     Once a divorce decision has been fully and finally reached, there’s one more thing to say. There is often no advantage in being the first person in the filing for an official divorce. The process is long and psychologically and financially draining, so should only be done when one is sure that he can handle the tough times to come. If not, just wait for a little while, who knows what’s around the corner. Many a times, reconciliations are just as speedy as the break ups and I for one, am an eternal optimist. I believe that there is nothing that cannot be worked out between two mature adults, if the love between them is strong and genuine.

     Emotional Advice
     If you’ve decided on a divorce, you have reached the succumb stage. You have reached the sad conclusion that your relationship is no longer worth fighting for. There are a lot of emotional dilemmas in such a situation. If the divorce is the result of just one spouse wanting it, it can have disastrous effects on the psyche of the other. If the divorce is due to adultery, cheating, infidelity or falling out of love, it can turn the aggrieved party into a cynical, non-believer of the institution itself. All of this can be avoided by taking the help of therapists, psychologists and friends (the best cure is good friends). Healing emotionally is often the toughest job, probably tougher than the event itself. Only healing can help a man to get past this blow and help rebuild the process.

     Practical Advice
     Drop the glum face and concentrate here. This is where you need to take back the reins of your life and be alert or it can easily be that, you’re taken to the cleaners. Brush up on your knowledge a bit, because as a man, you need to be aware. Mel Gibson separated from his wife of 28 years. He shelled out 500 million dollars in this separation. Steven Spielberg doled out about a $100 million for his 1989 divorce. You may not be the who’s who but you must be aware of what’s ‘alimony’ money. So this is where you need to call in mediators and attorneys as things could easily escalate and get ugly. If there are kids involved, then there will be custody battles and child support tussles. Dude, you could be in for some trouble here.

     First things first, get yourself a good lawyer who specializes in divorce settlements. Many courts favor the ladies in a divorce but a good lawyer can easily turn things around. Please, I urge you, do not go airing your dirty linen in the courtroom, that is only reserved for the time when the other party is getting ugly. Maintain your status as a good man, you stand better chance of earning the jury’s favor then.

     Second, brush up your research on the prevailing custody laws in your jurisdiction. Jot down the points that the court will consider to be in the child’s best interests. Make sure you do not fail in one, even one of them. Even one error in this department can be monopolized by the opposition. I really urge you to be faultlessly impeccable in this department, because your children will be worth every bit of that effort. Don’t let your guard down, you can cry awhile, once the whole thing’s over; not before that, please!

     Study the economic disparity between the spouses. Whatever the reason for your divorce, it is best to part as friends, at least try for it. In order to do this, please keep an open mind towards the financial settlements. Maybe, it will be worth it in the long run, even if you pay an alimony upfront, because one can’t predict the future. If your wife wins the custody battle, your fate is as good as sealed, if your relationship has soured further during the divorce proceedings. Maybe you will get a better deal from your still friendly spouse, then anything that the court can offer you. If you have crossed the boundaries of enmity, remember the famous dialog from Troy, “We are enemies tonight, but even enemies can show respect.”

     Post-divorce Advice
     If you have kids, you should know that you will be tied together even as a divorced couple. There will be no escaping confrontations when both of you will surely not be missing on the school functions, graduation ceremonies, weddings and social gatherings. There will be no escaping mutual friends as well. Hence, it is best to part cordially, as the wounds heal faster and leave behind fewer scars. Get all the help you need, asking for help is not a weakness. It is only through healing that you can face each other again and enjoy such events for the sake of others, especially your children. Psychological therapy will also help you to learn to trust again. It will give you back your confidence to date again. I will let you in on a secret, modern women love divorced men. They are supposed to be more experienced. Don’t tell anyone I said so. Go out there and learn to live again, you deserve to fly and rediscover happiness. The things to remember post a divorce is that divorce is not the end, merely a new beginning.

     The article is from here.